I'm 44, Unmarried and Doing Just Fine, Thank You FINAL Edition

• Published in: The Washington post
• Main Author: Carr, Martha
• Format: Newspaper Article
• Language: English
• Published: Washington, D.C WP Company LLC d/b/a The Washington Post 22.03.2004
• ISSN: 0190-8286

If we're sticking to the truth, I had several chances for a nice suburban life. But every opportunity for a marriage with a decent guy hasn't interested me -- dating them did, but not signing on the dotted line. I had other things I wanted to do that mattered more. Do a good job of raising [Louie], become a successful writer -- both of which I've managed quite nicely. Coupling is the only area of my life that seems to show no sign of growth. I could have made the right marriage work if I had only believed enough in myself, my own values and my own choices. I had grown up so torn by the mores of old Virginia society and the changing times that I opted out of the discussion. Rather than argue it out with any of those decent choices that had come along, I said no, too afraid I wouldn't be able to become the person I envisioned for myself. I thought marriage meant always putting another adult's needs or desires ahead of mine and I knew I didn't want that. Louie is closing in on college, my career is taking off, and so the question has come up again: "Why aren't you with someone?" This time, though, there's a wonderful difference. Now, in my mid- forties, I have found my own voice and don't care what someone else thinks of who I am. Instead of the nagging list that used to run through my head of why it was in my best interests to stay single, there's nothing. Not a single reason beyond I haven't met him yet, and that's more than okay. I'm happy and I'm a whole person all by myself. Ironically, that probably makes my chances for a happy union the best they've ever been. No more Internet dating, though.