Higher Education: Following the dealer Each week, this page carries articles and artwork produced and edited by students on life at university and college. Today: the pull of drugs and an unusual way of topping up a grant: Go on, give it a goo: Varsity, Cambridge University

• Published in: The Guardian (London)
• Main Author: Russell, Rupert
• Format: Newspaper Article
• Language: English
• Published: Manchester (UK) Guardian News & Media Limited 19.11.1996
• ISSN: 0261-3077

ONLY a few weeks into my career as a budding, young Varsity hack, and the evil, perverted swines at Features HQ present me with a challenge: `Yah, verily, go forth unto the streets of Cambridge, my son, and spread thy seed.' Yup, they wanted me to donate my sperm. This was a real test. Evidently, I'd need some hands-on experience. I'd heard that they only accept the finest quality sperm, la creme de la creme, and that only one in 20 potential donors was accepted. What if my love-juice wasn't potent enough? What if my little friends were a little bit out of shape? Did I really want to put my virility to the test? Then again, I'd also heard that if I were accepted, I could earn as much as pounds 20 per session. I decided to stand firm and take the challenge. First step - find a sperm bank. Where does one start? Accost a passer-by with a cheery, `Excuse me, sir, I'm feeling a tad randy, could you point me in the direction of the nearest sperm collection point?' Ask a policeman? Consult the yellow pages? No, phone the hospital, of course. Palms sweaty with excitement I ring up Addenbrooke's toute suite.