AMERICAN BEAT; SMALL DOGS SHORT WORDS AND OTHER BIG TRENDS ALL EDITIONS

• Published in: Newsday
• Main Author: BY JOHN DUKA. John Duka's articles have appeared inVanity Fair, Interview and Vogue. He is currently writing a book onHalston for Random House
• Format: Newspaper Article
• Language: English
• Published: Long Island, N.Y Newsday LLC 08.12.1985
• Edition: Combined editions

2. Small Dogs. Three years ago, it was chows. Then akitas. Both relatively big dogs. Now the only dog to have is the small dog, especially the Maltese (all white, black button eyes, five pounds, loves to dance). But only for men. Real men today (and here is the more important trend) are walking small dogs without worrying about their masculinity. Indeed, to accomplish such a feat is to prove that you are, in fact, a real man. And real men are seizing the opportunity. But the real trend behind all of this, the trend within the trend, is that a small dog means less to pick up. (Two cautionary notes here. Small dogs are nearly impossible to housebreak. And if the Maltese is too much fluff for you, the Jack Russell terrier is recommended. Ferocious. Fearless. Looks great if you wear a blue suit. Does everything but take dictation.) 4. Crystals. Quartz, amethyst, pieces thereof. Everybody has them, nobody wants to talk about them, but every pocket in Manhattan carries at least one (Marisa Berenson sometimes tapes them to her chest). They're especially good in putting you in touch with your spirit guides, with the vibrations of new, big-money projects that are sailing through the city. Good, too, for healing your manic-depressive employer. Crystals, however, are part of a bigger trend, or should I say vibration? That of inspiration from the astral. Spontaneous past-life recall. The really heavy stuff. All of this, moreover, points to a bigger trend still. No more shrinks. Psychiatrists are being replaced (more quickly than they are no doubt aware) by contextual therapists, who can straighten you out in one visit. All of which points toward an even more important trend: More money for summer houses! 12. Silliness. The madcap. The most important trend. The trend of trends. Purpose? To deliver us from the mundane. To deliver us from evil. To deliver us from people who seriously dress for lunch and seriously try to think of something to say. To deliver us from people who wear two tank tops at a time. To deliver us from people who wear ball gowns and believe in them. To deliver us from Yuppie women who wear running shoes to work. To deliver us from people who think California is a wasteland. To deliver us from people who believe all that they read. World without end. Amen.